Ford and Ching

It takes more than pole-dance classes and locker-room selfies to become a stripper.

Stripping — and the hustle of selling your time and company — is a competitive sales job in a highly stigmatized atmosphere.

As a stripper of seven years, I know that my chosen work is not for everyone. I formerly worked in retail and healthcare, and I also know that those jobs are some of the most exploitative and depressing ways to make minimum wage. And so, when the times get tough, the tough get stripping! Here’s to supporting adult entertainment in a consensual, informed manner.

Learn how to dance

Strippers need to be able to dance — so if you want a gig in this industry, you’ll need at least a couple basic stage moves. YouTube hosts hundreds of videos, especially if you do a “beginning pole dance move” search. Eye contact, smiles, and body awareness …

Strip clubs are like temples, except instead of religious iconography, they happen to be full of beautiful women and booze. And like a temple, there are certain guiding principles that one must respect, lest you’re denied the earthly pleasures therein. That’s why we tapped author and iconic Portland dancer Elle Stanger to descend the mountain — er, pole — and give us the 10 Strip Club Commandments.

Stripper commandments

Thou shall have no other distractions before me

I am the stripper, thy entertainer, who brought you out of your house of boredom, and thou shall have no other distractions before me. Texting thy booty call can probably wait another three to seven minutes, so put your damn phone away. At least do what the on-call nurses and truck drivers do when their devices start buzzing: put a couple dollars on the rack, get up, and walk away to answer. Mine …

Dim lights. Queue music.

If you’re ready to spice up your routine, sometimes taking a tip from the dancers at a strip club is the best way to turn up the heat. A hot, seductive lap dance is a great way to try something new with your partner.

What sexy song is the best for you? What kind of music puts you in the mood and makes you want to move? That’s going to be one of the best lap dance songs for your performance. But it doesn’t matter if it’s got a beat that can’t be stopped — seductive lyrics that get the point across or the amazing quality of the singer’s voice are the songs that work best.

Here are some hot lap dance and strip tease songs that will help you rev up your relationship and bring intimacy and foreplay to a whole new level.

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